The start. . .

I am starting this blog, but I am far away from starting the journey of becoming a mother. I don't think anyone will ever read this, but it will make me feel better to write it.

I am a scrapbooker and they say with that process you should start with present day and if you get caught up with that you can then begin to work on the past. That is the approach I am going to take with this blog. I am going to start with how I am feeling and what I am going through tonight on Thursday, December 18th and if I get time and energy I will bring this blog all the way back to April of 2007.

Tonight I am sitting at home alone the night before my pelvic laparoscopy. The first time we scheduled this surgery it was scheduled to see why I wasn't getting pregnant. Now that we have re-scheduled it and are actually going through with it to check to see what may have caused the ecptopic pregnany and again why I am not getting pregnant. Dual purpose surgery!

So that brings me to the past a bit. In September of 2008 we underwent IUI #2, two weeks after the IUI my doctor's office did a urine pregnancy test that came up negative. I stopped the progesterone, had a baseline ultra sound, and started the bcp because cysts were found on both ovaries from the Gonal-f injections. I bled a normal period then stopped. Getting myself prepared for another round of IF treatments and IUI #3. Then the bleeding started again. "Just to be on the safe side" they said take a pregnancy test before we start treatment (at this point I am 4 weeks post IUI).

So during the middle of the school day (I am a teacher) I left school (don't worry my kids were at P.E. class) and got a pregnancy test. I took it in the teacher's restroom and saw that line that I had been waiting 19 months to see. I was pregnant!

But, why wasn't I happy? Because this was the second time I was bleeding since the IUI, how could that be good? Also I had stopped the progesterone and I was told that doing that could force a miscarriage - is that what was happening? And I started the bcp - you hear of people getting pregnant all the time on the pill so that really was the last thing on my mind. The last thing on my mind was that J. (that is my hubby) was out of town for work and he tends to freak out easily about stuff. I didn't want to tell him over the phone.

I called the office and they had me come in the next day for a HCG blood test and progesterone test. I was in fact pregnant, but my levels were really low for how far along I was suppose to be. So there went the next 7 weeks, blood tests, ultrasounds, 2 trips to the oncology floor of the hospital for chemo drugs for an ectopic pregnancy (of which I only got a shot on one of the days). And finally after 47 days of bleeding and tests I was officially not pregnant anymore.

So that is where we are now not pregnant, going in for a surgery tomorrow to figure out why, and dealing with the lovely holidays.