Sunday, June 28, 2009
I can't sleep! I toss and turn all night - back and forth between being hot and then cold. When I do sleep I am having the most vivid dreams. I get that I have a lot on my mind with IVF and moving, but it is crazy how vivid they are. They all seem to center around voice mail messages on my phone too.
I'm a little nervous what might end up happening when I add more drugs into the mix!
Friday, June 26, 2009
I'm so sorry for my blog friend Misty who found out yesterday that her baby conceived through IVF didn't have a heartbeat at her ultrasound. She is really sad, rightly so. Visit her blog and send her good thoughts if you have a chance.
I go back into the doctor on Tuesday which will be Day 10 of the Lupron. ICLWers - can anyone remind me why I have this appointment? I think it is to make sure my ovaries are getting supressed like they are supposed to be.
I'm try hard to enjoy the start of my Summer vacation from teaching. We are moving on the 16th in with my Mom and her husband while our new house is under renovation. But, my headaches make it hard for me to get off the couch and I'm feel not in the best shape. I should be out on long walks everyday, but it's so stinkin' hot! I guess it is better than 20 below zero! We could be facing that in too many short months.
Monday, June 22, 2009
He had only had one other SA and all was clear with that test. But it was like 2 years ago. This frustrates me because why didn't my previous clinic think to check his semen again after we weren't getting pregnant for a while. Ugh!
So for the IVF they will inject his sperm into my eggs rather then just let them do it on their own. It doesn't change anything other than the fact that we will owe them another $900 +.
Maybe the insurance coverage on my meds was the universe balancing things out for this added expense.
It is okay that you feel as though you were cheated out of a Mother. It was not fair of her to pass you and your brothers off on your Grandmother as much as she did. Although you developed a strong faith base and a love for cooking you could have gotten that from her regardless. She would have always been your Grandma.
What you needed from your Mother was an appropriate "birds and bees" talk. It wasn't your fault that your cousin Gina got pregnant at 16. You had nothing to do with that and you didn't deserve the shouting "birds and bees" talk from you after she hung up the phone. You deserved a compassionate talk on your bed one night with your Mom talking about your first period, pads, tampons, shaving, boys, etc.
It is okay that you felt more comfortable talking with your Mom's sister than her. She was actually around when you were growing up. She thought of her babies as miracles and cried during her miscarriages. You were right to have a strong connection with her while you were growing up. Her friendship would prove to be more beneficial in your adult life as you struggle with IF. It was a relationship that was not fair for your Mom to ridicule she only did that because she was jealous. She probably wished she could have that relationship with you.
It is not your fault that she chose to pursue a career and relationship outside of one with your Father. Although she always said that she married young and had children right away because her mom was pressuring her into it - it was still her decision to do that. There are responsibilities that go along with those decisions. The grass may have been greener on the other side of the fence, but the grass on the side you left needed you to come back to water it.
It is true what that little old lady said in the grocery store that day in the small town you grew up in. We did turn out very well considering what we went through growing up.
Now it wasn't a horrible childhood. There were happy times and times where you were a very good older sister to your brothers and times when you were a great babysitter. That is why you will make a wonderful Mother.
You will take your children to the Zoo, walks around the lake, to the park to swing. They will sit in your lap and you will read them stories. You will show them so much love that they will never seek out parental love from anyone else.
You will be the mother that has hot chocolate chip cookies ready for them when they get home from school. You will be the one that drives them around to soccer practice and dance lessons. You will volunteer at their school and help out with bake sales. You children will never feel as though you are not apart of their lives.
Your children will someday stand up at their wedding and thank you and J. for being the best example for a marriage - they will hope to model their new marriage after yours.
You will be a Mother of beautiful children soon. It will be the hardest and most rewarding journey you ever do. It is what you were meant to do in life.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
This made me feel so good! This entire process obviously costs a TON of money and it is nice to know that my insurance company isn't going to completely screw me!
My Mom and her Husband were more than willing to give us the loan for the next month until we close on our house. When we went to our RN consultation on Thursday and got to the payment park J. asked if there was any chance we could pay the balance any later than that day. She said the latest she could take payment was the 30th. We called our credit card company and if we make a purchase on the 30th it won't be due until August 15th - that is perfect for us. We will have closed on both houses and have the money available to pay off the credit card. This made J. feel a lot better. He really didn't like asking my parents for money. I don't blame him, he really prides himself on doing well on his own all these years.
Things seem to be looking up in the baby making department.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
We had an interesting night last night. . .
We decided about a month ago to put our house on the market, well it sold it 8 days. Which meant that we needed to find a house. We did in a location that we really like, but it needs a bunch of work. Our offer on this house was accepted and if the inspection goes well on Thursday then it will be ours. So last night we went to my Mom's with two important questions to ask her and her husband:
No. 1 - Can we stay with you after we close on our house on July 16th while we do renovations on it?
No. 2 - Since we are closing on a house in less than a month taking $10,000 out of our savings for IVF really wouldn't be the best timing. So could we borrow $10,000 from you for a month until we close on our house? And Oh, by the way we need that $10,000 by Thursday.
I knew the second question would be a really hard one to ask and hard to receive, but I thought for sure they would be more than okay with us living with them while we did our renovations. They weren't exactly opening their door to us when we asked question number 1, so I was really nervous to ask question number 2. But, we really didn't have a choice - we need to do the cycle now because I'm on summer vacation. Yes it probably wasn't the best choice for us to buy a house at this time, but as my Mom always says "it is what it is"!
So we'll see. They said it was fine that we moved in with them. We will make it as temporary as possible. They are going to get back to us on the borrowing of money. I am really trying not to stress out about these situations so that this IVF journey goes well, so it would be nice if we heard from them soon.