I went to a counseling appointment yesterday. I found this gal’s name on the Resolve website. It was crazy to get to this appointment because it was at 3:00 and my school day doesn’t end until 3:20. So I ask our librarian if she would take my kids for the last hour of the day so I could get to the appointment. She worked it out and I was so thankful for it.
This was an initial intake meeting. I told her about our journey so far, all those things on my list from my previous post and how I can’t think about another medicated cycle right now in the mental state that I am in.
She had a few recommendations for us. She thinks we should go back to the RE for another second opinion. We saw him this summer but that was prior to the miscarriage this fall and it was 9 months ago that we saw him. When we did he said that he wouldn’t be doing anything differently than my current clinic and he is more expensive so we stayed where we were at. She thinks it would be worth the second opinion again. At least to have it on his schedule since it is quite awhile to be able to get into see him.
She also thought it would be good to think about the IVF route. I haven’t even thought about this. We have 5 more IUI cycles that insurance will pay for so I thought we would exhaust those before we even talk about IVF, but she thinks that it would help my emotional health to just jump to that. Well, that’s all fine and dandy, but it isn’t a cheap process or one that is without its own emotional health issues.
I talked with J. about this when I got home and after him being mad about me not telling him about the appointment (seriously!) he said that we should try 2 more IUI attempts and then seriously think about going that route. I do like that idea.
At the end of the appointment she said this: “there are studies that show the depression infertility patients feel is comparable to that of cancer patients. The difference is that infertility patients suffer their depression mostly alone, where cancer patients are rallied around by everyone.”
I realize that I am not going to die from my “illness” the way a cancer patient could die from theirs, but some days I wish that people were dropping meals by my door, fundraising for my treatment, sitting with me at appointments, etc. J. has been a great person to help with all those things, but it isn’t fair he has to be the only one to do it.
So I am hoping that this counselor can help ease some of his burden.
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Depression from infertility is hell. Once upon a time I got sucked into that dark hole. I did end up taking Lexapro for a few months and it was just what I needed.
ReplyDeleteHoping and praying you find a way through the dark cloud of depression and that you find success in your baby quest soon.
I think what your counselor said is so TRUE. I have often thought about that but then felt a little selfish since I do not have the whole death thing hanging over my head. I am glad you found a counselor and hopefully she will help. I think her suggestions were good. Good Luck to you!
ReplyDeleteI'm taking wellbutrin myself. It's great. I'm even thinking of upping my dose. I'm in the same place emotionally. Angry, bitter, and sad all at the same time. Good luck on the "what next?" ICLW
ReplyDeleteThe depression associated with IF is terrible. I'm glad that you found a good counselor, because when I tried counseling I was lucky enough to the find the worlds worst IF counselor.
ReplyDeleteI also live in MN and really like our RE. If you want the info feel free to email me and I'd be glad to pass it along (mdbabb123@hotmail.com).
Wishing you lots of luck!
ICLW
{HUGS} I agree with your counselor- it is a depression. Consumes all aspects of your life. You may not physically die, but mentally and emotionally it kills you off...little by little until one day you look at yourself and you don't recognize who you are.
ReplyDeleteI hope that you can find a way to get the treatment you need that will help keep you whole. Good luck!!
~~ICLW
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